Don't pick on my niece.

School Bullying - What does it mean to you, and how far would you go to protect your child?

This keeps coming up lately (even in my kid's alternative school), and it's a serious concern that leads to assaults, suicides (bullycide), and at the very lease - emotionally scarred kids who battle depression and self-esteem issues. Why don't the schools listen and get busy doing something about it? What stops an educator from taking all the necessary precautions against school violence?

A sadly typical feeling among adults tends to be that it's all part of life, and to be expected. Some still hold to the idea that kids should develop a thicker skin and learn to cope with their problems alone. Learning how to take control of situations of choice is one thing. Learning to effectively deal with other people's choices for your life is another beast entirely. "It takes two", is another sentiment that doesn't always ring true in every situation, but seems to be a popular way of white-washing a situation which requires adult intervention.

Still not sure about taking bullying seriously?
Then read about Phoebe Prince. And Megan Meier. And Jared High, and how he literally fought for his life, and was ignored by school officials. Jared's assailant wasn't just a mean-spirited kid with some nutrition imbalances. He was known for assaulting other students, and had landed one in the hospital previous to his violent attack on Jared.

Not a pleasant scenario, but this has become reality for many families. Loss of a child for any reason is crushing to a parent, but in situation that could have been prevented, or when unnatural levels of stress have been created by fear from supposedly safe places such as school, a parent has to begin to question their community. It's also not ok for educators to look the other way, hoping the problems will sort themselves out. Where else should a child turn when they cannot resolve a repeatedly abusive and sometimes life-threatening confrontation with another child? It is unthinkable that educators, parents, and community officials would turn a blind eye, only to lament the horrific outcome of their apathy in the aftermath.

I really feel this is why school bullying policies and programs get pushed under the rug. Models for school programs do exist, they just take some attention and perseverance. That is the key factor. School district employees and city officials will continue to turn their heads and consider school bullying an issue for the individual school counselors and parents to take care of. If this is the general response from governmental agents, who then upholds the system of no tolerance? What about language and cultural barriers between parents who cannot mediate their own situation? Where can the student turn who has her supposedly anonymous bullying report read directly to the accused, breaking confidentiality and any chance of safety net?



Parenting is a good place to start with our own kids, since we ultimately cannot change the behavior of other people. Simple principles of living, regardless of where you gain them, teach very basic modes of existing with others. These are some of the things my kids get to hear from me on an almost daily basis:

• It's not ok to harass another human being into mind-bending states of depression.
• If you think for a moment you're doing something wrong to another person, you are!
• If you've been asked to stop making another person uncomfortable or angry, it is your responsibility to acquiesce that request. Immediately.
• Accountability is key.
• Understanding that not everyone will get along with you, it is also your responsibility to not place yourself into situations that are openly negative or confrontational.
  
• We're all different. Never assume anything about another human being's life.
  
• If you've done something wrong to another, retaliation or anger is not an option. Reparation is your duty, and should be approached willingly and without question. Own your actions.
  

Parenting is different everywhere, but through any place in history, it's easy to consider how poor parenting has negatively shaped the minds of the next generation. Sadly, laziness of the mind and lacking morality lends a very heavy parental hand as to how kids labeled as "bullies" turn out. It's a never a bad time to consider how your openly voiced opinions effect a young mind, good and bad.



Ideally, a no-tolerance policy backed by anti-bullying laws would function much like a multi-faceted restorative program. Essential to the process of healing is the open communication lines between those effected, and those offending. Interestingly enough, when inspected thoroughly, those roles become blurred and are never as black and white as previously thought. But again, any restorative justice program requires persistence. Dedications to the kids and their lives through adult interaction and peer mentoring programs.

Hate has no place in intelligent society, and breeds out of control kids who are likely to take the opinions of their parents into a very raw mind, which is yet undaunted by social consequence. This mind is ready for action at the drop of a hat, and will work hard to impress an oppressive parent who never doles out affirmations. Imagine how angry that young mind is, and how quick to strike out against the weakest target it is. Hate-crimes are some of the worst violent offenses on juvenile crime records, striking out at the economically distressed, the queer kids, minorities of ethnicity and culture, and the kids who obviously have an appetite for books above social interactions.

Depression is not always avoidable, but in the case of school bullying, it can certainly be assisted by recognizing the problem for what it is, once and for all.